Some More Perspective

Recently, I wrote about Samantha Burton being forced to submit to bed rest and a c-section, and I basically said that both parties probably made some poor decisions, and maybe it would have been better if both mom and OB had quit their working relationship and mom had found another care provider.

Then, Mom's Tinfoil Hat made a comment-turned-post in her blog, and had a point I found interesting: just because a woman is smoking doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care about herself or her baby, or even that she's headed for disastrous consequences. I particularly like when she said,

"We all have our priorities. Exercise has also been associated with pregnancy loss. I wonder what you think of women who are selfish enough to take epilepsy meds."

Whether Samantha was making the right decisions or not isn't the focus of the court; the point to her case is that she was barred from exercising her right to choose her own course of action. The writer of another article about Samantha's situation (which I can't put my fingers on right now) said something to the effect of, "At what point do women's decisions render them incubators and wards of the state?"

I've been thinking a lot about smoking in pregnancy, and a client of mine recently let me know that she was smoking through probably about her 20th week of pregnancy, tapering back slowly until she had quit altogether. My personal decision to not serve women who are pregnant and still smoking seemed to dissipate suddenly when she told me this - I had been offering her support through her pregnancy already, and her smoking status didn't change the fact that I've helped her thus far by providing research, information and resources to her. Maybe she needed my support in these ways while she worked through her decision to quit smoking, and maybe without my support she wouldn't have made it to the point of quitting. And even if she didn't quit, she still needs me at her birth, I'm her primary point of support (after her medical care provider).

This is all very thought provoking. I think I'll go ruminate upon it all some more.

Baby...wise?

Woman to Woman Childbirth Education recent posted about the book Babywise, and offered us this attachment parenting article entitled Babywise Advice Linked to Dehydration, Failure to Thrive. The writers of the Babywise book, however, believe that the needs of a child, in infancy and beyond, should be determined by the parent and not the child.

Last week, a coworker (at my 9-to-5 job) expressed that "babies can be easily spoiled" by too much holding and feeding, and then urged me to warn all my clients about the dangers thereof! I confess, I momentarily lost my usual cool. I stamped my foot (yes, I did, it's a shame but it happened), and stuck a finger in her direction while I proclaimed, "That is NOT a statement founded in sound research, and I can send you at least five resources based in science that say otherwise!"

I'm a little ashamed because as a doula, it's my job to discern when it's the right time to share information with others, and to communicate good information about childbearing/rearing, not sling it at people whom I feel are being willfully ignorant and/or rude. Two wrongs don't make a right!

There's a forum post floating around out in cyberspace somewhere that I can't put my fingers on which sums-up my feelings perfectly - a doula expressed how she chose her words poorly back in her "cage days" of being a new doula, armed with information and angry like a tiger being poked with a stick through cage bars. I feel that way some days, too. It's not that my coworker's chosen parenting style was bad - I'm just irked when people feel compelled to push their choices on others through unsolicited advice.

I can understand why Babywise might seem like a viable option for some. I'm sure the Ezzos, who wrote Babywise, aren't trying to hurt families. This parenting style most likely worked for them, and they just want to pass it along. The parenting choices of my coworker that are so similar to the Babywise method may seem strange to me, but it worked for her and her family.

It can be a struggle as a new parent to being home a baby who can't communicate with you by any other means than crying, and who's little body demands food, sleep and alertness in no discernible pattern. Ultimately, the parenting choices that help everyone in the family adjust and grow in the healthiest way are the best choices.